Grief Companioning
Why I Can't Be Your Grief Counsellor
As a registered counsellor with the Australian Counselling Association, I'm often asked by family and friends if I can help them through their grief.
While I'm deeply honoured by the trust this shows, I need to explain why I can't provide formal grief counselling to people I have personal relationships with, and what I can offer through grief companioning.
The Professional Limitations
The ACA Code of Ethics is clear about dual relationships for good reason. When I have a pre-existing personal relationship with someone, several things can become compromised:
My professional objectivity is impaired because I'm emotionally connected to both you and potentially your loss
Confidentiality boundaries can become murky when we share social circles or family gatherings
The power dynamics of a formal counselling relationship could impact the equality & quality our friendship or family bond
These aren't just bureaucratic rules, they're protections that ensure you get the best possible support and that our personal relationship remains healthy.
What Grief Companioning IS NOT:
Therapy or formal counselling sessions
Me acting as "the expert" who will fix your pain
A professional service with treatment goals and outcomes
Something that pathologises your grief as an illness to be cured
Bound by clinical frameworks
What I CAN Offer Through Grief Companioning:
My authentic presence as someone who cares about you
A companion to walk alongside you in your "wilderness of the soul"
Recognition that YOU are the expert of your own grief experience
Being with you in your pain rather than trying to take it away
Honouring your unique journey without judgment or timelines
The full, messy, real humanity of our existing relationship
Presence & witnessing of your grief
Alan Wolfelt's grief companioning philosophy recognizes that sometimes what mourners need most isn't clinical expertise, it's someone willing to sit in the darkness with them, to witness their pain, and to walk the path without rushing them through it.
This is what I can offer you: not as your counsellor, but as your friend or colleague. I will be fully present, without trying to fix you, honouring that you know your own heart better than anyone else ever could.
Eleven Tenets of Companioning the Bereaved
Tenet One: Companioning is about being present to another person’s pain; it is not about taking away the pain.
Tenet Two: Companioning is about going ‘to the wilderness of the soul with another human being’ it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.
Tenet Three: Companioning is about honoring the spirit; it is not about analyzing with the head.
Tenet Four: Companioning is about listening with the heart’ it is not about analyzing with the head.
Tenet Five: Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about judging or directing these struggles.
Tenet Six: Companioning is about walking alongside; it is not about leading.
Tenet Seven: Companioning is about discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it does not mean filling up every moment with words.
Tenet Eight: Companioning is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
Tenet Nine: Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion it is not about imposing order and logic.
Tenet Ten: Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them.
Tenet Eleven: Companioning is about compassionate curiosity; it is not about expertise.
When You Might Need Professional Grief Counselling Instead
While grief companioning can be incredibly supportive, there are times when professional grief counselling is more appropriate. If you're experiencing complicated grief, trauma responses, severe depression, thoughts of self-harm, or grief that's significantly impacting your daily functioning, I encourage you to seek support from a qualified grief counsellor who can provide the clinical expertise you need. I'm happy to help you find appropriate professional support.
How Grief Companioning Works in Practice
Companioning isn't structured like traditional counselling sessions. It might look like meeting for a walk, sitting together over tea, or simply being present when you need to talk about your person. There's no agenda, no homework, no "progress" to measure. We move at your pace, following where your grief leads you.
Both/And, Not Either/Or
You can absolutely have professional grief counselling AND grief companioning. In fact, having both formal therapeutic support and the informal presence of companions in your life often provides the most complete support during bereavement. They serve different, complementary purposes.
Moving Forward Together
If you're navigating grief and feel that having me walk alongside you as a companion (rather than as your counsellor) would be meaningful, I'd be honoured to do so. This is me showing up as your friend or colleague, offering presence, not professional expertise.
Contact Me
If you'd like to discuss what grief companioning might look like for you, or to arrange a time to meet, please reach out. I'm here to walk this wilderness with you.
Jo@biglove.com.au
❤️